I jogged 500 metres and stopped, about turned and started walking back to the house. I hadn’t left anything behind, I hadn’t injured myself and I hadn’t forgotten to start my Garmin.
I just couldn’t be bothered. I love running but since coming back from Australia (and the sun), my heart just isn’t in it. I came up with excuse after excuse and each day I vowed to go for a run tomorrow. My apathy was fuelled by my appetite for junk food. I was eating poorly, doing little and inertia had set in. I had always prided myself on being determined, dedicated and disciplined. I was now feeling deflated, despondent and dejected. I had lost my mojo.
With several events including the Morrisons Great Edinburgh Run and the Paris Marathon (I like running abroad) quickly approaching, this was a potential recipe for disaster. All my strength and conditioning training could be undone by a lack of desire. Rather than looking ahead to amazing events, for the first time, I was feeling apprehensive. I felt like all I wanted to do was go sit down, watch some television and no doubt, eat.
If I re-opened my front door, I knew that I would be crossing a threshold and I was fearful that I wouldn’t know when I would run next. So, I called upon every ounce of resolve I had and turned back around, reset my Garmin and set forth on a run I wasn’t looking forward to and didn’t really want to do.
For the whole of the first mile, I contemplated stopping. My breathing was laboured while my stride felt heavy and slow. It reminded me of when I was heavy and slow. But I was also someone, who didn’t give in, who had came too far to stop now and who wasn’t just running for myself.
As I continued to run, my pace quickened and the dark clouds in my head began to clear. As the sun broke through the clouds, it began to melt the ice on the ground and the coldness in my heart. I felt lighter and stronger and by mile eight, I felt invincible. My only concern now was that I could only manage a few more miles before having to take the boys to school and head to work.
I had managed to deposit some hard miles in the bank. These were miles that would serve me well and miles, that had reignited my love for running and had restored my self belief. There is a saying that you train hard to race easy. The Morrisons Great Edinburgh Run is a tough 10 miler and it will not be easy but I’ll be running it more confidently and running it with a smile on my face.
How many of you have had days when the prospect of going for a run was daunting and how did you cope? What gets you up, and gets out the door when all you want to do is anything but run?